Zac and I will be answering phones for the Children's Miracle Network this afternoon from 3-4. We would love to hear from you. If you get Peoria channels, it's on WEEK-TV 25. If you don't, I would assume you can look up the numbers on their website, but I'm not positive. Thanks so much for your support!
Also, if you donated online, would you be so kind as to drop me an email or a comment to this post. I'd like to be able to send a personal "thank you."
The Brave Little Soul
By: John Alessi
Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however, the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen, why is there suffering in the world?".
God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in peoples hearts". The little soul was confused. "What do you mean", he asked. God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences, and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.
The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this-it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer-to unlock this love-to create this miracle-for the good of all humanity.
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into this world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!
God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you.
God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.
Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God's strength he unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys-some regained lost faith-many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives were changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased."
Thank you sweet Olivia!
We've made the arrangements for Olivia's services. We will be having the visitation on Wednesday, May 27 from 5-8 at Dodsworth-Piper-Wallen in Macomb. The funeral service will be at 11:00 on Thursday, May 28. Private graveside services will be on Friday morning.
We are doing well. There is definitely a piece missing. Zac and I came back to Macomb to make arrangements and the kids will come back tomorrow. Tonight will be the real test, when it's just Zac and I. We are completely amazed by all the comments and prayers out there. I will be honest...I haven't been able to read them, yet, but I plan to when I'm ready. People have been filling me in here and there and it's truly amazing.
Our heart are so heavy right now. Olivia went to be with Jesus around 11:15 this morning. We are at a loss for words right now.
It had to have been one of the most beautiful, peaceful deaths ever. She took her last breath in my arms. She has no more pain. No more scars. And a whole heart.
One amazing little girl.
Olivia's not having such a good day. She has had some lower sats today - ranging from 25 to 55. They've been like this since about 4:00am. They have tried a new thing for her. There is a medication they put in her trachea that goes directly into her lungs and tries to open things up. It makes things worse before they get better, and her heart possibly stopped for a few seconds.
The kids were able to come up and see her. They are with my sister and her family enjoying this beautiful day at Wildlife Prairie Park.
I think we are all anticipating that she won't be with us for much longer. She seems comfortable.
Brooklyn is officially on summer vacation! Woohoo! I was able to take her back to school and pick her up (Olivia behaved - the prayers worked!!) I'm back at the hospital now.
They decided not to turn Olivia over to her belly - why rock the boat. They did, however, turn her head the other direction. She did okay with that - she's still recovering from it. She's also had a few temps today, but is still handling things relatively well. Now we just need to get Jack done with school....6 more days. We had the moving company come in today to do an estimate and we are actually all set to close on the Dunlap house on June 15. The mover said they could have us in on the 17th or 18th! It will be so exciting to have both kids here! Oh, and Zac, too. (just kidding, of course)
We are praying for a quiet night. The kids are really excited to come see Olivia tomorrow and start working on their scrapbooks!
Olivia had a fairly stable night. The nurse said she did have to battle some lower pressures, but treated her with some volume and she has come right back up. She is still on her belly, but the plan is to turn her back over today sometime.
One crazy thing is that her platelets are up to 90,000 today! They treated them on Wednesday, and they have come up all on their own the last 2 days. Amazing.
We talked with the kids last night. The boys were back in Macomb, so Zac talked with Jack and I talked with Brooklyn here. They both reacted very appropriately in my eyes and had a few questions. They also both decided they definitely want to come see her. We explained that she would be asleep and wouldn't be able to wake up, but they still want to come see her. So, we are probably going to do that tomorrow.
The Child Life Specialist came up yesterday to see how we were doing and she gave us lots of great ideas to help the kids deal with all of this. She talked about making a scrapbook just for them and they can fill it with all their pictures and memories of Olivia. She said she was going to run out at pick up a few things and showed up with an adorable bag filled with a scrapbook, markers, stickers, scissors, glue, etc... We had even mentioned that Brooklyn loves High School Musical - so there are tons of things in there for her. She also brought up a stamp pad so the kids can do handprints of Olivia! Amazing.
Then I got to meet Jill. Jill and her family know all to well what we are going through. Their little girl was in and out of the hospital for most of her all too short life, as well. She was a complicated heart baby and a year ago February, Laynie went to be with Jesus. She and her mom were here with their other daughter for an appointment and came up to visit. It was so great to finally meet her and it gave me so much comfort. We had been in and out when Laynie was here, but never "officially" met their family. Amazing.
I'm going to be taking Brooklyn back to Macomb for her last day of preschool today. Please say an extra little prayer that Olivia behaves while I am gone. It's that whole 10-5 thing - that's when I'll be gone and that's usually the time of day she doesn't like!
Sorry about the lack of posting. It seems as though I didn't even get a chance to sit down today. Olivia had a lot of visitors and time got away from me.
Olivia had an okay day. She did spike a little bit of a temp, which made her heart rate and pressures go way up and her sats were hanging a little bit lower. By about 5:00, she turned things around after making a change on her ventilator. She just seems to really dislike from about 10 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon.
The doctor did come in and say that it would be reasonable to leave the paralytic on through the weekend. This would give us some time to take the kids up if they want to. No one seems to think that she would survive another "episode" without the paralytic. If she does anything in the meantime, we are sticking with the original plan of not intervening.
I still have this overwhelming peace right now, which I am very thankful for.
Olivia had a very peaceful night. Her numbers are all wonderful this morning. The plan is to lift the paralytic today and see what she does. I assume they will turn it off after rounds today. It usually takes her a good 8-10 hours before it is completely out of her system. They will try to manage her comfort with sedation and see how she tolerates that.
Thank you so much for all of the prayers and good thoughts. We are truly feeling them right now and have great peace with God's plan for Olivia. We are truly amazed by all of the people who love Olivia and have been touched by her!
Olivia is still doing okay. She seems to love her tummy so much.
We had a really hard family meeting. (I actually don't know if it was harder for the docs and nurses or for us - their love for Olivia amazes me everyday). We listened to the recommendations from everyone and decided that it would be in Olivia's best interest to not take any extreme measures if the need arises. It was recommended that we don't start any new medications to intervene because they are causing more harm than good. There is no more medical intervention that can be done that would help Olivia in any way whatsoever.
She is so very sick right now and she has to be tired. She's been fighting for so long. We want Olivia to be happy and comfortable, which she is right now. We are going to stay the course that she's on, and the doctors and nurses will continue to treat her with her normal medications, sedation, ventilator needs, and nutrition. We are going to keep her on the paralytic that they started today and see if she can come off of it tomorrow.
Basically, we are praying for a miracle.
So, our time at home didn't quite work out as planned. Olivia had a really good night last night, but then took a turn for the worse today. She had quite a few pulmonary hypertensive episodes this morning that weren't precipitated by anything at all. Around 11:30 or so, she dropped her oxygen saturations into the 30's. From then on, she fluctuated between the 50's and 60's. They did start her on IV Flolan, which is for pulmonary hypertension. She gets it now through her ventilator, but they thought she may not be absorbing it completely. They started the IV Flolan, but she seemed to get worse. Around 3:15, they turned off the IV Flolan and turned her to her belly. Since then, she has slowly come around and is doing so much better now - just dealing with lower blood pressures.
Zac is on his way here and we are going to have a family meeting about Olivia's care. We need to make some really hard decisions about how much is too much, and how far we would want them to go in these kinds of situations. I don't think it's going to be a fun meeting whatsoever, so I'm asking for some specific prayer requests for that.
Also, Brooklyn's end of year picnic is tonight - the other reason I was home. We had a really good day today and I told her I would try really hard to make it back tonight. Now, neither Zac or I will be there which is killing me. My mom headed out to go to Macomb and take the kids, which they will be so excited about. I just wish we could all be there. I also ask for prayers that I won't be overcome with guilt and that Brooklyn will have a wonderful time with Grandma and Jack!
Keep you posted...
