Tired.

This roller coaster is getting rickety. I feel like I'm about to fall off. I'm really tired of all of this up and down stuff. I desperately want Olivia to get better and turn things around.
Our family meeting was basically a re-visit to her pulmonary hypertension. It seems to be getting worse. We've known she's had it. We've known it's bad. The doctors just wanted to make sure we know that they are concerned with the progression of it. Her cardiologist is very blunt with us (which we love and appreciate) in saying that he doesn't know if she will go home from here, and if she does, he doesn't know how long she will be with us (however, he does have a patient that he said this to when she was little and she's 37 now). We know this, it all makes sense and we need to have these meetings, but this is Olivia. And I can't help but think that she is going to do something miraculous. I pray for this every day.
It's just that I get so scared about doing the right thing. Do we start requesting that the kids can come up and spend as much time together as possible, and then have her come home and be with us until she is 37? When the doctors come up and talk to us, it just makes everything look so bad, and then Olivia will wake up and start playing. I truly feel like we are being realistic about everything, but I don't know what to feel. It's such a weird place to be in.
I feel like this is one of those very honest posts...one of those that I just need to put into writing to get it all out.