Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tired.

This roller coaster is getting rickety. I feel like I'm about to fall off. I'm really tired of all of this up and down stuff. I desperately want Olivia to get better and turn things around.
Our family meeting was basically a re-visit to her pulmonary hypertension. It seems to be getting worse. We've known she's had it. We've known it's bad. The doctors just wanted to make sure we know that they are concerned with the progression of it. Her cardiologist is very blunt with us (which we love and appreciate) in saying that he doesn't know if she will go home from here, and if she does, he doesn't know how long she will be with us (however, he does have a patient that he said this to when she was little and she's 37 now). We know this, it all makes sense and we need to have these meetings, but this is Olivia. And I can't help but think that she is going to do something miraculous. I pray for this every day.
It's just that I get so scared about doing the right thing. Do we start requesting that the kids can come up and spend as much time together as possible, and then have her come home and be with us until she is 37? When the doctors come up and talk to us, it just makes everything look so bad, and then Olivia will wake up and start playing. I truly feel like we are being realistic about everything, but I don't know what to feel. It's such a weird place to be in.
I feel like this is one of those very honest posts...one of those that I just need to put into writing to get it all out.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Praying for you!! Love you! nic

Anonymous said...

Praying for Livvy.....

Becky said...

So sorry that you guys are going through this. We'll keep praying for your family.
Becky
(Kristen B's sister)

threekidchaos said...

Wow. That's tough to read. I guess I've been trying to ignore the direness of Olivia's condition. I'm praying that she'll turn this around. I'm also praying for you & Zac as you decide what's best for your family.

Anonymous said...

Miss you Olivia! Praying for you always...and for your mom and dad and family during these roller coaster rides.
Lots of love,
Laura Schmidt

Anonymous said...

Prayers, prayers, prayers are coming your way!!!
Kara

Anonymous said...

Olivia is such a precious and amazing little girl. I am so sorry and sad that things are so difficult.

After reading the other day that there have been 100,000 views of your blog it struck me that Olivia has had at least that many prayers times 100. God is definitely holding your beautiful little one in the palm of His hand.

Lots of love,
Judy & Kevin

Leesa Palmer said...

We are sending many prayers your way.

Judy said...

Whew...that was tough to read and I'm sure it's a million times tougher to be in the middle of. I truly do have such faith that Olivia is going to overcome all of this, but I know that ultimately God is in control. I'm sure you question your decisions all the time, but you've got some great people advising you and I pray all the time that God will give you and Zac clear wisdom about the choices you have to make. I wish I could just come spend the day with you and give you some company :) This has been a major week for you guys! I'm praying for a very calm weekend!!

Heidi said...

We're praying in PA for this sweet little girl! Praying that God would help her overcome this "mountain" in her life right now.